Every nook and cranny.

Well, Thanksgiving is on Thursday. And yes, it's quite different attempting to celebrate this holiday when you don't live in America. Especially when everyone simply knows it as the holiday in which we founded the States, and killed a ton of people. I suppose I understand why people are slightly confused that we celebrate this day. But to us Americans, it is simply a day where every single one of us wishes we were home with our family. Whatever that looks like. I will miss going around the table, and hearing what everyone is thankful for. Eating good food. Seeing all of my family together. Being with my brothers. Ya know... the whole bit. But, I do believe some of the Americans are getting together to play some American football, and eat some lukewarm turkey. Although it will be a feeble attempt to feel at home, it will indeed make me feel slightly warm inside.

I'm playing a role in the Christmas roadshow. I play a hotel receptionist with loads of attitude and a good dose of sass. It will be fun. We'll be going to six different churches in the area to perform our little bit. It will be great fun, I'm sure.

Being a member of the Social Committee here at Capernwray, I feel like I should inform you all of the recent events that have been happening here at Capernwray, as a result of me and my fellow members of the committee. We had a "Pigeon Hole Party." You see, the way we get our mail here is little cubby holes, or pigeon holes, that have one letter on them. So, we share a mailbox with everyone that shares the first letter of our surname. So the five of us on the committee decided to have each pigeon hole dress up according to a different category. (i.e. geeks, futuristic, villains, togas, caveman, super heroes, etc.) I was a zombie. So, we all came to dinner in our different outfits, we played games. And, of course, had a dance party. Or, what the kids here like to call it.... A CapernRAVE. It was a good time, for sure.

I'm almost 18. Weird.

Thank you so much for sending me mail, friends. You have no idea how wonderful it is to receive a letter. The joy i feel when i see something waiting in my pigeon hole is indescribable. So, thank you. So much.

Have I told you how much I love my roommates? I love them a lot. We are truly starting to bond up in the ole' penthouse. We are all four so different. From different parts of the world. But we just get closer and closer every day. I'm so thankful for them.

As a result of the diversity of Capernwray, there are just an incredible amount of accents. Everyone sounds so different and I love it. Even within England, they sound so different. Northern English people, and Southern English people sound totally different. It's so funny. Our lecturers have all had different crazy accents. One of Liverpool, one from South Africa, one from Russia, one from the north of England, one from the South..... And well, our lecturer this weeks LITERALLY sounds like an Ent. Yes, an Ent. From Lord of the Rings. Treebeard, to be specific. It's hilarious to hear an old tree teach you about hebrews. Ah, I can't get enough.

With the help of my incredible brother, a great book (Becoming the Answers to Our Prayers by Shane Claiborne and Jonathan Costgrove- all of you go buy it and read it...... now.), some wonderful lectures, some helpful conversations, and the Bible, have all seemed to be pointing me to the simple fact that:

Jesus is everywhere.

You can't get away from Him. What a beautiful thing. The Trinity, The Great Creator, The Son of God, and the Holy Spirit, constantly surrounding you everyday in every moment. Does that not just blow your mind? Amazing.



So, friends. Be with your family this Thanksgiving. Be thankful for diversity, for fun, for dance parties, for friends, for food, for your community, and for the consistent and incredible presence of God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.

Love.

The beauty of silence.

The days here are getting faster and faster. I feel as if my mind is constantly trying to catch up with me. I am trying to process the things that are happening to me, while trying to live everyday presently, and think about the future. It's exhausting, to say that least.

I miss my family. I do. I think of them often here. I think of my brothers when I go on adventures and explore new places. I think of my mom when I am tired, or sick, or want wisdom, or a shoulder to cry on, or everything really. I think of my dad when something hilarious happens, when i'm singing, or when i embarrass myself. All of these things happen on a daily basis. Therefore, making me think of my family on a daily basis. I think being away makes you appreciate them all the more. Being somewhere they have never been, that you love. It's impossible to try and describe this place, no matter how bad you want them to know.

Last week, we had an electronic fast. No computers, no phones, no ipods, etc. It was really great. The community, it seemed, was better than ever. Yes, it was hard not to check my email, not to call my mom, and no to be able to turn ryan adams on whenever I wanted to. But man, it was what every single student here really needed. Instead of listening to music, we made it. Instead of emailing, we wrote letters. Plus, I think card games are a lost art anyway.

The reason we did this electronic fast is to prepare ourselves for our all day prayer on Thursday. Instead of lectures, we just prayed. We all went off on our own and prayed. All day long. We had some songs in the morning, some more in the afternoon, and then my friend Marika and I were asked to sing for the night service. It was really an incredible day. God asked us to come to Him in the secret. Prayer is so powerful, and this place is letting me see the reality of that for the first time in my life. It's really beautiful.

On Wednesday, My name was called during morning announcements, along with the names of nine others. We were moved to the back room, and I looked at my fellow students, greeting each other with our common confused looks. Then, my RA walked back and looked at all of us. And said: "You have all been chosen to go to Kenya for the outreach next term."

Whoa. Wait.
I am?!?

Yes, I am going to Africa. Finally. I am going to go for two weeks at the end of February/beginning of March. I feel as if God is finally letting my body follow my heart. I am just out of my mind excited that he had handed my this opportunity that I feel like I have wanting this for so long, and it's finally going to happen. Yes, there are finances to raise, shots to get, prayers to be prayed, sports to be good at, and the fact that I'm slightly terrified to settle. But all of those things will fall into place, and i am not worried about any of them. Well, maybe a little about the being good at soccer thing...

I love you all.


Go play a card game...

Skittles taste different in England.

My dear friends and family,

May I please start off my entry with an annoying, yet necessary, disclaimer.
I am sincerely apologetic for my lack of necessary lengthy responses to emails, blog entires, phone calls, and message replies. I have been doing an awful job at this, and I am fully aware of my shortcomings. Let at least try to explain this to you, not that i'm trying to make excuses. Here at Capernwray, we have limited internet access. It's on for 3 hours in the afternoon, and one hour at night. during these four hours, there are at least 50 students using the internet. Causing the internet to be as slow as molasses. (It took me hour days to download an album, i kid you not.) This makes it very hard to respond lengthy to people. I do wish, more than anything, that I could stop the clock and sit down and tell every single one of you what my days are like here. Not to mention, I have to use my afternoons for other things such as music practice, homework assignments, papers, reading, and much more. So let me just say that I am sorry if i feel distant from you right now. But to be honest, i am. Physically. So please give me grace, and be patient. And please don't take my lack of/delayed communication personally. I love you all the same. No matter how far my travels will take me.

My love for this place continues to grow, daily. But in very different ways. I'm still constantly in awe of the beauty, loving the friendships, and basking in the fact that I live in England. But now, I am starting to fall in love with what God is providing for me on a daily basis. I have never felt so hungry for knowledge, or been so amazed with God's provision. He is teaching me so much, and showing me so much. It's hard, it's scary, it's emotional, but it's beautiful.

Every day is a surprise, here at Capernwray. For example, last night I played 3 on five basketball against five scrappy Koreans, one of whom only really knows curse words in English. I don't think i've ever laughed so hard in my life. I can honestly say I never could have guessed that I would ever be put into that situation, but I wouldn't have traded it for the world.

I'm trying really hard to get better at piano. Really hard. I recently learned a Kanye West song on the piano. My dear friend James is kind enough to sit by me on the piano bench and provide some incredible beat-boxing. And well, i try my best to rap. Music is constantly filling the castle, and I love it. There is some really talented people here. My friend Marika and I were asked to perform for some local elderly people, a worship set here at Capernwray, and a traveling Christmas roadshow. Ha, yeah. A roadshow.
In fact, I'm quitting bible school and joining a circus. Sorry mom.

I went to Liverpool. I listened to the song Penny Lane, on Penny Lane. Yes, there were tears. I stood in Strawberry Fields. I saw all the boys childhood homes. And i went into The Cavern. It was one of the most beautiful days, ever. Ah. Praise the Lord of the Beatles. Seriously.

I'm going to Scotland this weekend. I will have lunch in the cafe that J.K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter in. I will be so inspired, I will probably start writing the novel, then quit the circus when i sell thousands. Yes. That's the plan...

Love always.

Just take a step back, and look around.

I am constantly surrounded by rolling green fields, sheep, the word of God, and great people.

That is my current life, and I'm enjoying every second of it.

I'm finally starting to settle in here, and feel comfortable. Every morning I wake up, and I look out my tower window, (I suppose you could say my current life is very similar to that of a Christian Princess), and I thank God that I'm here. In the midst of everything going on at home, and my family feeling further than ever, there is this sense of peace that God has given me, that I am so thankful because I really need that right now. I would normally be freaking out, but for some reason, I feel God's presence and control over all that I am worried about.

This place is a constant reminder that I am taken care of by the universe. Ah, yes. Maybe for the first time, the word "content" would be a perfect way to describe the I feel.

I went more north in England last weekend, and got to see William Wordsworth grave. That was incredible, and made me think of my dear friend Annaka, and wishing she could be a nerd with me and just stare at the ground. As I was walking the streets of the lake district, I felt like I was living poetry. Every step a took, another stanza to be written down. It's an incredible feeling to be walking around the a place that you have read poem and poem about. It makes all art so real and close. That's what all of England makes me feel like. Living poetry. It's wonderful.

The classes here continue to be wonderful. I am constantly learning new things, and being challenged. There are always questions in my head, whirling around at the speed of light. And when one finally slows down enough for me to snatch, there are 180 students just waiting to talk, or argue, about it with me. There is something wonderful about the common ground of a hunger for knowledge. It truly makes a close community. I can already tell that the people I am meeting here will be lifelong friends.

I am now going to go watch our football team play a local team for a real game. Our soccer pitch is in the middle of one of the sheep fields. It's truly wonderful. By the way, the idea the sheep are precious and cute is a total misconception. They are some of the ugliest animals I have ever seen in my life.

Here is my house. See the tallest window? That's my bedroom.

Pay my respects to grace and virtue.

I do really love this place. I live in a castle, with 180 people that are in the exact same situation as me. We all are not sure what our futures will look like, but we all want to learn more about the Lord, make friends, live in England, and try to really listen to what He is trying to say. It's nice to be surrounded by people you can relate to on things that you aren't used to being able to relate to. Not to mention the learning I am going to do at this place will be incredible. I already know that it will.

The grass here is impossibly green. It almost hurts to look at, it's so beautiful. The rolling hills, the sheep, the canal, the castle itself... all completely breathtaking. I'm so astonished daily by the beauty surrounding me. I'm so lucky to be here.

I will try to post pictures as soon as I can.

It's nice to be here, and be on my own, and be able to experience the independence that has been trying to get my attention for years. It is nice to be on my own and to truly feel like this is something that I am doing, on my own. This is currently part of my life that I chose, and I am so happy that I did. I am confident in the fact that I am supposed to be here.

Not saying that there aren't moments of loneliness in the night, that hit you like a cold sweat. Thank God for the beauty of music though. Ryan Adams feels like an old friend, and keeps me company when I need a sense of familiarity. Then there are those certain songs that make you thing of someone specifically, and it feels like you are sitting there right with them. Thank you, music.

I'll write more soon.

Ya know what's fun?
Letters....

Capernwray Hall
Carnforth
Lancashire
LA6 1AG
UK


"A culture with only one word for love is in danger of loneliness."
Just a little taste of what I'm learning.

Love.

Let's just pack up our bags, and go...

Today, I am moving to England.

I am bringing two suitcases fully equipped with my favorite items of clothing, too many scarves, a faithful teddy bear, and a pair of kelly green rain boots. I constantly glance over at the stretching zippers and wonder how long they will be able to do there job. Then I find one more thing, and unzip the suitcase, watch it let out the breathe of air it had ever so desperately been holding in, shove something else in the impossibly tight corner, and start the long process of zipping it back up again.

I hate packing. Also, I am fully aware of the fact that I will forget something. I know I will.

This last week has been one full of laughter, tears, poetry, surprises, porches, goodbyes, and freak-outs. And in the midst of all of this, I haven't once taken the time to let my brain fully comprehend the fact that I am leaving. But now, as i sit in my (moderately) clean room staring at my packed suitcases, and the items that are to be left behind, the reality of all of this seems to be sitting right by me (like he has been the entire time), and I have only just greeted him now.

Hello Reality, nice to see you. Hopefully we will get along and that soon I will be able to call you by your care-free nickname:

Adventure.

I will try to write in my blog as often as possible to keep my dear friends and family updated with my life in England. Maybe I'll post pictures, maybe not. But guaranteed, I will write of my adventures, and the lessons that I'm sure God will be teaching me the next few months.

For now, however, I will turn off my computer, place the needle on my Don Fogelberg vinyl, lay back on my floor, close my eyes, and just...... rest.


See you kids across the pond.




[I took this picture in Colorado at the beginning of this summer. I think it's a good symbol of beginnings.]

Put my heart in your hands.

I took this picture when I went to go visit my brother last year. But it didn't mean nearly as much as it does now....


Sailing has become this symbol of reckless abandon. ya know? dropping everything to follow your dream. Why aren't there as many dreamers out there anymore? I have started to notice that my closest friends are dreamers. Because someone that is apathetic, and has no motivation or passion is hard for me to be around. I can't wrap my head around someone that lives that kind of life. What is the point? I feel like i want to commit my life to checking dreams off of my list.


I want a sailboat. I feel like it will help me greatly in my journey of as a dreamer.
Who's coming with me?