Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Momentary modulations.

Well, here I am. At college. And, after a week of surprising loneliness, awkward introductory conversations, creating new and beautiful friendships, and trying to remember how to study for things, I am finally feeling a sense of comfort. Ryan Adams is usually always playing through my speakers and all my pictures and ceramic bowls are choicely placed around my closet-like area in a poor attempt to make this feel like a temporary home (Why does Ryan Adams make me feel like I'm home...? I don't know. But it does.) Desk lamps, dried flowers, and carefully selected trinkets are what keeps me company in my small area- And I'm completely fine with that.

My transition to Taylor has been an interesting one, to say the least. (here we go again, kinsley... talking about transitions. what's new....) It's not at all what I expected. Going to Capernwray was indeed a leap of faith, but I was thrown into a room of people just like me. People ready and waiting for an adventure. People that were ready to meet strangers. And people that desperately wanted to be like Jesus. Coming to Taylor feels much like showing up late for a party.... a party full of strangers. A lot of strangers. Now, please understand that these strangers are some of the most lovely and kind and welcoming people in the world. And God has blessed me with a few very wonderful people that I care about a lot and couldn't imagine being here without. But still, this is unlike any of the adventures that I've experience before. I think I might be growing up, or something...

In a song, the key changes, and in this momentary modulation, we feel something. Whether this transition is slow and soft, or fast and chaotic, it gives us a feeling of excitement, and of progress. We can feel the song continuing and it makes our heart beat a little faster than before.. It becomes a part of us, even just for those few precious moments. And when the song ends, we are able to admire and dwell in it's completeness.

Right now, I can feel my life changing and transitioning at what feels like a rapid pace. And, like a song, with each key change, I get a bit more excited and a bit more scared.

But I am so joyful. More joyful than I have felt in a long time. God is showing me His love in brand new ways. He is showing me through loneliness, through a simple poem, through a certain prayer, through new friendships, through old ones, through the piano, through distance, through a certain someone that looks me right in the eye, through professors, through the life of living in a painfully small town, and through the knowledge that I am a beautiful, forgiven creation of God.

Let us remember to experience these momentary modulations with joy.
Let us remember that we are constantly transitioning, growing, and learning.
and Let us remember that we are not alone.

[Lately, I have been thinking so much about my short time in Edinburgh, Scotland. This picture is one of the most peaceful pictures I've ever taken and reminds me of how badly I would like to return to this beautiful city...(one day.)]