Thursday, December 30, 2010

So delicate and precise.

It's been ages, and for that, I apologize.

Lately, I feel as if growing up has been fast forwarded a bit. I had gotten quite used to the gradual process of learning lessons and slowly figuring out how to apply them to my life. We grow up delicately, so delicate, in fact, we barley notice our body growing taller until we look back at pictures from seventh grade when all your t-shrits were from thrift stores and your mouth was filled with braces. Seeing those pictures, however, makes us thankful for where we are now, I believe. Makes us appreciate our straight teeth, and the awkward conversation from our mothers telling us, "you know, sweetheart, you're going to have to stop wearing t-shirts eventually."

However, sometimes, the changes aren't as slow as the (forever) long process of shifting teeth. Sometimes they are unexpected. Sometimes they completely shake your world, or wake up a part of your brain and/or heart that you thought was long asleep or forgotten.

It's interesting that in my last post, I talked of disruptions. How important they are, how much they are necessary to our lives. When I was writing the post, I thought that I was reflecting on an already disrupted mind set. I thought that I had, "come up on the other side" and was able to tell my tale of routine-ruining. Little did I know, however, this would be only the beginning of a long series of plot twists. Some of them small, some of them exciting, some of them life changing, and some of them terrifying.

I feel like my entire life, people have been telling me to conquer hard situations. But, what does that even mean? Is it an inspirational way of telling someone to "get over it?" Lately, I have realized that there are some things that I thought were "conquered" in my life. Certain things that were over, had been dealt with, and would never really have to be re-visted. Because, when one conquers a village, they don't go back and few years later and try to conquer it again. That's just silly. And this is the mindset that I was living with. But it's impossible and entirely untrue.

Once something is broken, it stays broken. No matter how strong your super glue is , you can always tell that it's not just not whole. If you are to ignore it's brokenness, however, it will only become more fragile. Even if, on the surface, things seem to working as usual, the foundation is crumbling because it is not being held together by what it once was.

However, if you recognize the brokenness, you can learn how to best accommodate. We can understand that it is fragile, and treat it with more tenderness and patience than we would something that is perfect.

Now, please understand that the recognition of brokenness isn't easy. At all. It can come suddenly, and when it does, it hurts like hell. The recognition of the brokenness in my own life has brought back memories that I had buried deep inside of me, conversations that I had never thought would take place, and a lot of hard days. And some days, it seems impossible and I beg for ignorance, because ignoring things is so much easier.

However, I know that this it. This is life, and no one ever promised me it would easy. I know that this is not something I have to "conquer." It is something that is disrupting my life, and making me grow. And I am so thankful for a God who sees the ugliness and brokenness of my heart, and forgives me anyway. And who says, "You are not alone."

Together, we much recognize our own brokenness.
We must treat each other with tenderness, love, patience, and kindness.
Because we are fragile beings.
and let us remember that

We are not alone.

Happy new year, friends.