I know it looks like I'm paying attetion.

When I enter my class, I strategically sit in the back. I pull out my Calculus book, and prop it on my lap. And then, ever so quietly, I grab whatever novel I'm reading and place it skillfully behind my text book. This not only gives the illusion that I'm intently studying, but also that I'm extremely interested in Calculus. (A secret?- I'm not.) Anyway, I'm reading this book by Mother Theresa right now. Talk about inspiration. I mean, the way she writes is so real. Everything just comes to her, and she just understands. She just, gets it. And here's the thing that really made me respect her... I'm sure when you think of Momma T, you think of this strong, courageous, humble woman. It's really hard to think of any other words when it come to her. But the way she starts off her book, "No Greater Love", is a simple sentence:
"I don't think there as anyone that needs God's help and grace as much as I do. Sometimes I feel so helpless and weak."
Wow, Momma T, that is what I call honesty. I mean, the woman is a saint, and here she is saying that she is weak. If she is weak, than I don't know what the hell I am.
Am I making things more complicated than they really are?
Probably.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm making some really big decisions for myself. Although this feels to freeing, and wonderful, I can't help but struggle with this balance of taking care of one's self, and selfishness.
Do you know what I'm saying?

May is going to be an interesting month. Chatting with a friend the other day, I decided that life would be wonderful if all the goods things cost one dollar and sixty four cents.-Not just drip coffee and cream cheese muffins.
Why did I tell you guys this?
I don't know.

I'm excited to explore. I'm excited to not know anyone. So soon. (a secret?- I'm also sort of scared...)

I just want to be a wild traveler.
And I still want a sailboat.

This blog has become such a ridiculous emotional rant.
I should probably start sharing links like everyone else.


I took this picture a long time ago, but I've always like this tree.


The Escape:

Just sit back and laugh.

So lately, I have been laughing out loud at things that I see. Even when I'm by myself. Yes, I realize that this is probably a sign of my oncoming insanity, but i sort of enjoy it.
For example, I thought I saw someone smoking a cigarette at John Brown No Tobacco University today in the middle of campus, and I just started laughing out loud as I strolled to class. I mean, I was mistaken.. but still, just the though made me chuckle. Now I realize some of you might read this observation as a silly mistake of an extremely harmful act. But man, I thought it was hilarious.
I feel like a spent all of last semester frowning. I mean, it was probably one of the hardest semesters of my life, and I never took time to smile or laugh, except on rare occasions. But now that I find myself smirking at even the smallest things, it has just made me a generally happier person.
Also, I think that my dad's sense of humor is becoming increasingly wittier as the years go by and I appreciate it so much. Really. It's made our relationship so much closer. He's becoming one of my best friends. All we need is to sit on the back porch, an ice cold beer for him, and a cup of steaming coffee for me, and a little bit of Cat Stevens, and we could be completely content.

I really want:
a sail boat.
a rocking chair that squeaks.
peace.
the ability to play the violin.
artistic ability.
and a pen pal. (any takers?)


Alright kids, make yourself laugh...