Skittles taste different in England.

My dear friends and family,

May I please start off my entry with an annoying, yet necessary, disclaimer.
I am sincerely apologetic for my lack of necessary lengthy responses to emails, blog entires, phone calls, and message replies. I have been doing an awful job at this, and I am fully aware of my shortcomings. Let at least try to explain this to you, not that i'm trying to make excuses. Here at Capernwray, we have limited internet access. It's on for 3 hours in the afternoon, and one hour at night. during these four hours, there are at least 50 students using the internet. Causing the internet to be as slow as molasses. (It took me hour days to download an album, i kid you not.) This makes it very hard to respond lengthy to people. I do wish, more than anything, that I could stop the clock and sit down and tell every single one of you what my days are like here. Not to mention, I have to use my afternoons for other things such as music practice, homework assignments, papers, reading, and much more. So let me just say that I am sorry if i feel distant from you right now. But to be honest, i am. Physically. So please give me grace, and be patient. And please don't take my lack of/delayed communication personally. I love you all the same. No matter how far my travels will take me.

My love for this place continues to grow, daily. But in very different ways. I'm still constantly in awe of the beauty, loving the friendships, and basking in the fact that I live in England. But now, I am starting to fall in love with what God is providing for me on a daily basis. I have never felt so hungry for knowledge, or been so amazed with God's provision. He is teaching me so much, and showing me so much. It's hard, it's scary, it's emotional, but it's beautiful.

Every day is a surprise, here at Capernwray. For example, last night I played 3 on five basketball against five scrappy Koreans, one of whom only really knows curse words in English. I don't think i've ever laughed so hard in my life. I can honestly say I never could have guessed that I would ever be put into that situation, but I wouldn't have traded it for the world.

I'm trying really hard to get better at piano. Really hard. I recently learned a Kanye West song on the piano. My dear friend James is kind enough to sit by me on the piano bench and provide some incredible beat-boxing. And well, i try my best to rap. Music is constantly filling the castle, and I love it. There is some really talented people here. My friend Marika and I were asked to perform for some local elderly people, a worship set here at Capernwray, and a traveling Christmas roadshow. Ha, yeah. A roadshow.
In fact, I'm quitting bible school and joining a circus. Sorry mom.

I went to Liverpool. I listened to the song Penny Lane, on Penny Lane. Yes, there were tears. I stood in Strawberry Fields. I saw all the boys childhood homes. And i went into The Cavern. It was one of the most beautiful days, ever. Ah. Praise the Lord of the Beatles. Seriously.

I'm going to Scotland this weekend. I will have lunch in the cafe that J.K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter in. I will be so inspired, I will probably start writing the novel, then quit the circus when i sell thousands. Yes. That's the plan...

Love always.

Just take a step back, and look around.

I am constantly surrounded by rolling green fields, sheep, the word of God, and great people.

That is my current life, and I'm enjoying every second of it.

I'm finally starting to settle in here, and feel comfortable. Every morning I wake up, and I look out my tower window, (I suppose you could say my current life is very similar to that of a Christian Princess), and I thank God that I'm here. In the midst of everything going on at home, and my family feeling further than ever, there is this sense of peace that God has given me, that I am so thankful because I really need that right now. I would normally be freaking out, but for some reason, I feel God's presence and control over all that I am worried about.

This place is a constant reminder that I am taken care of by the universe. Ah, yes. Maybe for the first time, the word "content" would be a perfect way to describe the I feel.

I went more north in England last weekend, and got to see William Wordsworth grave. That was incredible, and made me think of my dear friend Annaka, and wishing she could be a nerd with me and just stare at the ground. As I was walking the streets of the lake district, I felt like I was living poetry. Every step a took, another stanza to be written down. It's an incredible feeling to be walking around the a place that you have read poem and poem about. It makes all art so real and close. That's what all of England makes me feel like. Living poetry. It's wonderful.

The classes here continue to be wonderful. I am constantly learning new things, and being challenged. There are always questions in my head, whirling around at the speed of light. And when one finally slows down enough for me to snatch, there are 180 students just waiting to talk, or argue, about it with me. There is something wonderful about the common ground of a hunger for knowledge. It truly makes a close community. I can already tell that the people I am meeting here will be lifelong friends.

I am now going to go watch our football team play a local team for a real game. Our soccer pitch is in the middle of one of the sheep fields. It's truly wonderful. By the way, the idea the sheep are precious and cute is a total misconception. They are some of the ugliest animals I have ever seen in my life.

Here is my house. See the tallest window? That's my bedroom.

Pay my respects to grace and virtue.

I do really love this place. I live in a castle, with 180 people that are in the exact same situation as me. We all are not sure what our futures will look like, but we all want to learn more about the Lord, make friends, live in England, and try to really listen to what He is trying to say. It's nice to be surrounded by people you can relate to on things that you aren't used to being able to relate to. Not to mention the learning I am going to do at this place will be incredible. I already know that it will.

The grass here is impossibly green. It almost hurts to look at, it's so beautiful. The rolling hills, the sheep, the canal, the castle itself... all completely breathtaking. I'm so astonished daily by the beauty surrounding me. I'm so lucky to be here.

I will try to post pictures as soon as I can.

It's nice to be here, and be on my own, and be able to experience the independence that has been trying to get my attention for years. It is nice to be on my own and to truly feel like this is something that I am doing, on my own. This is currently part of my life that I chose, and I am so happy that I did. I am confident in the fact that I am supposed to be here.

Not saying that there aren't moments of loneliness in the night, that hit you like a cold sweat. Thank God for the beauty of music though. Ryan Adams feels like an old friend, and keeps me company when I need a sense of familiarity. Then there are those certain songs that make you thing of someone specifically, and it feels like you are sitting there right with them. Thank you, music.

I'll write more soon.

Ya know what's fun?
Letters....

Capernwray Hall
Carnforth
Lancashire
LA6 1AG
UK


"A culture with only one word for love is in danger of loneliness."
Just a little taste of what I'm learning.

Love.

Let's just pack up our bags, and go...

Today, I am moving to England.

I am bringing two suitcases fully equipped with my favorite items of clothing, too many scarves, a faithful teddy bear, and a pair of kelly green rain boots. I constantly glance over at the stretching zippers and wonder how long they will be able to do there job. Then I find one more thing, and unzip the suitcase, watch it let out the breathe of air it had ever so desperately been holding in, shove something else in the impossibly tight corner, and start the long process of zipping it back up again.

I hate packing. Also, I am fully aware of the fact that I will forget something. I know I will.

This last week has been one full of laughter, tears, poetry, surprises, porches, goodbyes, and freak-outs. And in the midst of all of this, I haven't once taken the time to let my brain fully comprehend the fact that I am leaving. But now, as i sit in my (moderately) clean room staring at my packed suitcases, and the items that are to be left behind, the reality of all of this seems to be sitting right by me (like he has been the entire time), and I have only just greeted him now.

Hello Reality, nice to see you. Hopefully we will get along and that soon I will be able to call you by your care-free nickname:

Adventure.

I will try to write in my blog as often as possible to keep my dear friends and family updated with my life in England. Maybe I'll post pictures, maybe not. But guaranteed, I will write of my adventures, and the lessons that I'm sure God will be teaching me the next few months.

For now, however, I will turn off my computer, place the needle on my Don Fogelberg vinyl, lay back on my floor, close my eyes, and just...... rest.


See you kids across the pond.




[I took this picture in Colorado at the beginning of this summer. I think it's a good symbol of beginnings.]

Put my heart in your hands.

I took this picture when I went to go visit my brother last year. But it didn't mean nearly as much as it does now....


Sailing has become this symbol of reckless abandon. ya know? dropping everything to follow your dream. Why aren't there as many dreamers out there anymore? I have started to notice that my closest friends are dreamers. Because someone that is apathetic, and has no motivation or passion is hard for me to be around. I can't wrap my head around someone that lives that kind of life. What is the point? I feel like i want to commit my life to checking dreams off of my list.


I want a sailboat. I feel like it will help me greatly in my journey of as a dreamer.
Who's coming with me?

It's really the most liberating feeling...

The summer is over.


And as i sit down at my computer and begin to think back on my summer, trying desperately to find a way to fish out my thoughts so you can experience them the way i did, i realize that there really isn't a possible way to describe the things i experienced this summer.

There is nothing I can say to give you the same feeling of peace, or freedom, or of genuine joy that I felt in those few glorious moments. No, nothing big happened. But my summer was filled with little moments in which i felt content. These moments are ones that I could never had thought about previously, could have never made into a dream, but once they happened, I felt as if it is what I had been waiting for all along. Like that particular moment, that I had no idea was going to happen, was exactly what I needed. When I get this feeling, I can't help but think about the love the my Creator has for me. I look at all he has done for me this summer, and it just makes me feel so taken care of, and safe. And reminds me that wherever i go, whatever decision i make, that he is there and that he is doing all of this for a reason. He gives me what i need, whether it is a car ride, a life-changing song, a good cry, a new friend, a massive storm (the kind that sort of scare you, in an exhilarating way), a new book, or just a simple conversation. There is nothing better than the feeling that the entire universe is taking care of you.
Usually, at this point, I would be stressing out about my future, trying to think of everything that could be a possible failure, so I can do the best I can to avoid it entirely. But, I feel like if I learned anything this summer, it is that I need to just chill out, and not worry.


Because everything I experience, good or bad, easy or hard, it will add to my adventure.




Or at least give me something to write about......

Maybe all we needed was a little direction.

Dear Summer,

I'm so glad to see your familiar face that i missed so badly during those cold cold months. Even though I am inclined to winter/fall apparel, nothing beats all the things that you bring me year after year. You have already provided such adventure for me and you have only begun. I can't wait to see the things you have left to show me and teach me.
I'm sitting here at camp and I'm pretty sure I'm stealing wireless from someone... I'm just not sure who. Anyway, It's one of the chilly Wisconsin days. The ones where you have to wear a sweatshirt, and maybe even put the hood up at times. (no shower necessary for a day like today...). I love days like this. I love picnic tables. And I love everyone that surrounds me on a day to day basis.
I also love when adventures are so much more than you could have ever expected. And relationships that come out of nowhere are usually the best kind. Have you ever met someone, and right away you knew that they would probably be a part of your life forever? I have. New relationships are so exciting, because you just never really know what's coming next. The thrill of something new is a feeling that can't really be compared to.
I love that sort of people that are constantly surprising you with who they are. Like, just when you think you have reached the bottom, you realize that you have only really scratched the surface of who they are.
You know what I mean?
In other news, I'm getting a stye in my eye. Awesome.
They are so awkward, and they hurt. And for some reason I get one every summer when I'm at camp.