Let's just pack up our bags, and go...

Today, I am moving to England.

I am bringing two suitcases fully equipped with my favorite items of clothing, too many scarves, a faithful teddy bear, and a pair of kelly green rain boots. I constantly glance over at the stretching zippers and wonder how long they will be able to do there job. Then I find one more thing, and unzip the suitcase, watch it let out the breathe of air it had ever so desperately been holding in, shove something else in the impossibly tight corner, and start the long process of zipping it back up again.

I hate packing. Also, I am fully aware of the fact that I will forget something. I know I will.

This last week has been one full of laughter, tears, poetry, surprises, porches, goodbyes, and freak-outs. And in the midst of all of this, I haven't once taken the time to let my brain fully comprehend the fact that I am leaving. But now, as i sit in my (moderately) clean room staring at my packed suitcases, and the items that are to be left behind, the reality of all of this seems to be sitting right by me (like he has been the entire time), and I have only just greeted him now.

Hello Reality, nice to see you. Hopefully we will get along and that soon I will be able to call you by your care-free nickname:

Adventure.

I will try to write in my blog as often as possible to keep my dear friends and family updated with my life in England. Maybe I'll post pictures, maybe not. But guaranteed, I will write of my adventures, and the lessons that I'm sure God will be teaching me the next few months.

For now, however, I will turn off my computer, place the needle on my Don Fogelberg vinyl, lay back on my floor, close my eyes, and just...... rest.


See you kids across the pond.




[I took this picture in Colorado at the beginning of this summer. I think it's a good symbol of beginnings.]

Put my heart in your hands.

I took this picture when I went to go visit my brother last year. But it didn't mean nearly as much as it does now....


Sailing has become this symbol of reckless abandon. ya know? dropping everything to follow your dream. Why aren't there as many dreamers out there anymore? I have started to notice that my closest friends are dreamers. Because someone that is apathetic, and has no motivation or passion is hard for me to be around. I can't wrap my head around someone that lives that kind of life. What is the point? I feel like i want to commit my life to checking dreams off of my list.


I want a sailboat. I feel like it will help me greatly in my journey of as a dreamer.
Who's coming with me?

It's really the most liberating feeling...

The summer is over.


And as i sit down at my computer and begin to think back on my summer, trying desperately to find a way to fish out my thoughts so you can experience them the way i did, i realize that there really isn't a possible way to describe the things i experienced this summer.

There is nothing I can say to give you the same feeling of peace, or freedom, or of genuine joy that I felt in those few glorious moments. No, nothing big happened. But my summer was filled with little moments in which i felt content. These moments are ones that I could never had thought about previously, could have never made into a dream, but once they happened, I felt as if it is what I had been waiting for all along. Like that particular moment, that I had no idea was going to happen, was exactly what I needed. When I get this feeling, I can't help but think about the love the my Creator has for me. I look at all he has done for me this summer, and it just makes me feel so taken care of, and safe. And reminds me that wherever i go, whatever decision i make, that he is there and that he is doing all of this for a reason. He gives me what i need, whether it is a car ride, a life-changing song, a good cry, a new friend, a massive storm (the kind that sort of scare you, in an exhilarating way), a new book, or just a simple conversation. There is nothing better than the feeling that the entire universe is taking care of you.
Usually, at this point, I would be stressing out about my future, trying to think of everything that could be a possible failure, so I can do the best I can to avoid it entirely. But, I feel like if I learned anything this summer, it is that I need to just chill out, and not worry.


Because everything I experience, good or bad, easy or hard, it will add to my adventure.




Or at least give me something to write about......

Maybe all we needed was a little direction.

Dear Summer,

I'm so glad to see your familiar face that i missed so badly during those cold cold months. Even though I am inclined to winter/fall apparel, nothing beats all the things that you bring me year after year. You have already provided such adventure for me and you have only begun. I can't wait to see the things you have left to show me and teach me.
I'm sitting here at camp and I'm pretty sure I'm stealing wireless from someone... I'm just not sure who. Anyway, It's one of the chilly Wisconsin days. The ones where you have to wear a sweatshirt, and maybe even put the hood up at times. (no shower necessary for a day like today...). I love days like this. I love picnic tables. And I love everyone that surrounds me on a day to day basis.
I also love when adventures are so much more than you could have ever expected. And relationships that come out of nowhere are usually the best kind. Have you ever met someone, and right away you knew that they would probably be a part of your life forever? I have. New relationships are so exciting, because you just never really know what's coming next. The thrill of something new is a feeling that can't really be compared to.
I love that sort of people that are constantly surprising you with who they are. Like, just when you think you have reached the bottom, you realize that you have only really scratched the surface of who they are.
You know what I mean?
In other news, I'm getting a stye in my eye. Awesome.
They are so awkward, and they hurt. And for some reason I get one every summer when I'm at camp.

Hey, nature loves you.

"Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair."
-Khalil Gibran

Maybe I think more clearly in the morning.

When I woke up this morning, I did not rush to begin my routinely frantic process of getting ready. I simply turned on my back, and stared at my ceiling. I wasn't ready for the day to begin just yet. The fifth of May holds dark memories and I wasn't ready to remember them. The memories were quickly ushered in, however, by the third sounding of the alarm.

I rolled out of bed, put on my favorite sweater, and pinned my bangs back. (I only pin my bangs back on bad days). As I trudged down the stairs, five minutes behind schedule, mind you, I accepted, and embraced, the fact that I was going to be late for class. The natural inclination for normal human beings that are running late would be to start to rush. Mine, however, was to sit down at my piano and play through the single song I know by heart. When I played the last note, my fingers made their way back to the first note of the song, and started to play through it again.

I glanced up at the clock and it seemed to be screaming, "Now you are really going to be late, Hurry up!" But I ignored my impatient friend and delicately grabbed my keys, checked to make sure all the lights were off, and walk out the door. As the garage door began to crawl up, it started to reveal the thickest layer of fog I have seen since moving from Indiana.(they used to cancel school due to fog). It seemed to completely swallow everything around me. The world consisted of my driveway, and that was it. I found myself so paralyzed from the beauty, I ignored the jingling of my keys as they dropped from my hand onto the pavement.

I managed to regain my composure, and continued the journey to my car. As I turned the key, I realized that I was breathing heavily, and deeply. I'm not really sure why. I put my car in reverse and began to back-up, blindly. I couldn't see anything, until it was almost ten feet in front of me. Sure, I was a little scared, but I was also excited. This ever-so-familiar journey was transformed into this mysterious adventure. There is something so exhilarating about not knowing what is coming next.

The beauty of the unknown.

I reached for my volume dial and turned the Live at Olympia Theatre version of Oh My Sweet Carolina (accompanied with a harmonica piece that will melt you soul), up to an impossible volume.

I can honestly say that it was one of the most beautiful six and a half minutes I've ever experienced. I felt content, I felt free, I felt lost (the good kind), I felt alive.

Then, I made the dreaded left turn into the parking lot. This indescribable feeling being rudely and abruptly interrupted by the jolt of the speed bump passing under my tires. As I pulled into my parking spot, I glanced into my rear view mirror and saw that my bangs were pinned back.

And I remembered it was May 5th.

I know it looks like I'm paying attetion.

When I enter my class, I strategically sit in the back. I pull out my Calculus book, and prop it on my lap. And then, ever so quietly, I grab whatever novel I'm reading and place it skillfully behind my text book. This not only gives the illusion that I'm intently studying, but also that I'm extremely interested in Calculus. (A secret?- I'm not.) Anyway, I'm reading this book by Mother Theresa right now. Talk about inspiration. I mean, the way she writes is so real. Everything just comes to her, and she just understands. She just, gets it. And here's the thing that really made me respect her... I'm sure when you think of Momma T, you think of this strong, courageous, humble woman. It's really hard to think of any other words when it come to her. But the way she starts off her book, "No Greater Love", is a simple sentence:
"I don't think there as anyone that needs God's help and grace as much as I do. Sometimes I feel so helpless and weak."
Wow, Momma T, that is what I call honesty. I mean, the woman is a saint, and here she is saying that she is weak. If she is weak, than I don't know what the hell I am.
Am I making things more complicated than they really are?
Probably.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm making some really big decisions for myself. Although this feels to freeing, and wonderful, I can't help but struggle with this balance of taking care of one's self, and selfishness.
Do you know what I'm saying?

May is going to be an interesting month. Chatting with a friend the other day, I decided that life would be wonderful if all the goods things cost one dollar and sixty four cents.-Not just drip coffee and cream cheese muffins.
Why did I tell you guys this?
I don't know.

I'm excited to explore. I'm excited to not know anyone. So soon. (a secret?- I'm also sort of scared...)

I just want to be a wild traveler.
And I still want a sailboat.

This blog has become such a ridiculous emotional rant.
I should probably start sharing links like everyone else.


I took this picture a long time ago, but I've always like this tree.


The Escape: